Bereavement through terminal illness
Unlike a sudden loss, losing a loved one due to a terminal illness means the grief process begins before the person has passed away.
People may suffer from anticipatory grief, whereby they experience the symptoms of grief while their loved one is still alive. It often mirrors post-death grief, causing waves of shock, denial, anger, deep sadness, and anxiety about the future.
It is common to experience guilt, either for thinking about the future without them, or for feeling a sense of wishing for the "end" to finally come so their physical suffering can stop. You do not want to see them in pain, distress or unable to live the life they want. You may also feel like your life has been on hold and want an end to the stress and uncertainty you are living with. Taking on extra caring responsibilities for those who are very ill or dying can be exhausting both mentally and physically. It is very difficult to see someone you care about in pain. Some people feel guilty for having these thoughts and feel like they are willing the person to die. It is normal to have these thoughts, as it's natural to want something to end when it has become so difficult. Try to be kind to yourself too. These feelings come from a place of care and from wanting their suffering to be over. Remember that you are not responsible for their illness or them dying.
When the person finally passes away, it is entirely normal to feel a profound sense of relief. This relief is a natural response to the end of their pain and the conclusion of gruelling caregiving demands; it does not mean you did not love them.
If you were a primary caregiver, your entire daily routine and purpose revolved around their medical needs. When they die, you face not only the loss of the person, but also the sudden loss of your daily role, which can leave you feeling empty or aimless.
Watching someone you know suffer for an extended period of time is traumatic. The intense medical imagery of the final months, weeks, or days can sometimes overshadow happier memories initially, leaving behind elements of trauma that take time to process. In time, these traumatic memories will fade, and you will be able to remember your loved one in happier times.
Our latest You Tube video is a short, compassionate, ten-minute recording offering space for relaxation and emotional support. The link is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dbEHN-Scxk