Coping with a Cancer Diagnosis

There are few scarier words than ‘you have cancer’, even if you’ve been wondering and worrying about symptoms for a while. A cancer diagnosis causes an intense emotional shock that affects about 30% of patients with psychological distress like anxiety and depression (National Institute of Health).

You may feel different emotions when you are told you have cancer, which can be difficult to cope with. Partners, family and friends may also have some of the same feelings. There is no right or wrong way to feel.

Common reactions include:

Shock, Numbness and Denial: Feeling detached, dazed, or unable to process the news when you first hear it. You may find it hard to believe that you have cancer, and it is common to feel shocked and numb. There is often a surreal element to the news, like it’s not really happening. You may not be able to understand all the information you are given. You may find that you keep asking the same questions.

You may find it hard to talk about the cancer, or you might find it hard to think or talk about anything else. Both reactions are normal. Your mind is trying to process what is happening. These feelings usually get easier over time.

Fear and Anxiety: You may be anxious or frightened about whether treatments will work and what will happen in the future. This can be one of the hardest things to cope with.

Sadness and Grief: Mourning the loss of your normal routine, good health, and future plans. You may feel sad if you have to change your plans because of the cancer, or if your future feels uncertain. Feeling sad is a natural reaction to change or loss. This feeling may come and go during and after your treatment. For most people, these periods of sadness get better. But for some people, the sadness may continue or get worse. If you think the sadness may be turning into depression, please speak to your medical team.

Avoidance: You may cope by trying not to find out much about the cancer or not talking about it. If you feel like this, tell people that you do not want to talk about it right now. You can also tell your cancer doctor if there are things you do not want to know or talk about yet.

Anger and Frustration: Feeling that the situation is unfair or being angry at your body, your diagnosis, or doctors.  You may also resent other people for being well. These are normal reactions. They are more likely to occur when you feel frightened, stressed or unwell. You may get angry with your family, friends or partner. Tell them you are angry at your illness and not at them.

Guilt and Blame: Questioning if you did something wrong to cause the illness or worrying about being a burden. You may question if you should have gone to the doctor earlier, made different lifestyle choices, and you may want to find reasons for why it has happened to you. Most of the time, it is impossible to know exactly what causes cancer. A combination of different risk factors may cause cancer, but doctors do not fully understand all these factors yet. You may feel guilty that the cancer will affect other people in your life. You may worry that they will find it difficult to cope. It may help you, your family and friends to talk openly about how you are feeling.

Feeling Alone: You may feel alone or isolated. This could be because you do not think you have support. Family and friends may live far away, be busy or feel uncomfortable talking about the cancer. Try to tell your family and friends how you feel, as this can help them find ways to support you. You may have times when you want to be alone for a while. If you find you are avoiding people a lot of the time, try to talk to your healthcare team.

You do not have to face these heavy feelings alone. Research published in The Impact of Cancer on Mental Health highlights that addressing emotional health improves overall recovery and quality of life. (National Institute of Health).

Tips to help cope with a cancer diagnosis:

Find out the facts

It will help to know more about what to expect treatment-wise, what other tests are needed, and how long the treatment plan will last. As everyone’s capacity for taking in information is different, it can help to take someone with you to listen and take notes. Do be careful what you read on the internet and visit one of the recognised cancer information sites such as Macmillan Cancer Support, where information is tailored to be realistic but not overwhelming.

Acknowledge your emotions

Receiving a diagnosis of cancer and managing treatment and side effects can have a big impact on your emotional wellbeing. It’s common to feel a range of emotions which may change day-to-day or over time. You may have different emotions at different times and of varying intensity. This is normal but can be unsettling. Your emotions may overwhelm you at times. You may also notice physical effects such as changes to your appetite, tiredness, pain, a lack of interest in sex or poor sleep. Experiencing any of these can further impact your emotional wellbeing.

Start taking control

It may feel like the future suddenly feels less safe, and the loss of control over events can make us feel helpless. Taking some control back can help us cope and adapt. If you're working, let your employers know that you are going to be off for treatment. Finances may be a worry, and if so, seek advice about benefits you may be entitled to. Get to know the team that will be looking after you, and if you have a specialist nurse, make contact and ask any questions. You could have a file to keep all the hospital letters and appointments and a calendar for all the important dates.There are other things you can do to feel more in control, such as healthy eating, being physically active and sleeping well.

Tests take time

A diagnosis is often only the first part of a busy few weeks. There may be more tests, scans, and appointments before all the facts are obtained. The time can feel endless, but in most cases, the doctors need to find out the whole story before proceeding with a treatment plan.  If you’re anxious about results, or things seem to be taking longer than predicted, don’t be scared to follow up with your medical team.

Taking care of body and mind

It may be that you would like to look at your diet, even if you generally eat healthily already. There’s a great deal of nutritional advice out there, some of it conflicting, so seeking the advice of an expert can clarify things. Gentle daily exercise, and perhaps learning ways to relax and de-stress, can help the body and mind be in better shape for future treatments and beyond.

Be kind to yourself

The days after receiving a cancer diagnosis may feel overwhelming. If you need time out from work, or need to back out of social engagements for a while, then allow yourself that time. Keep in touch with the people you care about, maybe by text, phone or social media, but don’t feel you have to be seen to ‘cope’ initially. This is your time to reflect and regroup. This may also apply to those who are close to you emotionally, such as parents, children, siblings. Remember, it can take a few days or weeks to regain a sense of being able to cope.

Talk to others

Initially, you may not feel like discussing what is happening, as it can make everything feel more real. However, talking things through with others, when you are ready, can help relieve the tension, share the problems, and ease concerns. Family and friends can be a source of support and comfort. It can be challenging at first to talk to someone about how you feel, but it can stop you from feeling alone, help you to solve a problem, make decisions, or help you to feel less frightened or anxious. It can also help you to feel supported. If you don’t want to speak to family or close friends, you may find it easier to talk to a healthcare professional.

 Talking with other people who have been through similar experiences can be comforting – hearing how people got through treatment, and how life is now, can give a sense of optimism. You may also hear about people who haven’t done so well, but remember you’re at the beginning stages and your cancer and its outcomes are unique to you. Don’t be tempted to compare like with like.

Distractions

Distracting yourself can help you to cope better in the short term. For example, you can distract yourself by watching TV, doing a puzzle, making origami or reading a book.  If you feel stressed or low, you may spend less time doing things that make you feel better. So, try to remember to do things that you enjoy.

Making treatment decisions

You may be asked to make some treatment choices, and be given a huge amount of information to back this up. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, either at the appointment or clarify things with your /consultant/specialist nurse/GP if unsure.

Find support

You may have all the support you need in terms of family and friends. If this is lacking, or you don’t feel ready yet, support can be found via support groups, online forums and in-person support. You could join a local or online peer support group, speak openly with your doctor or cancer nurse specialist, or ask for a referral for talking therapies.

Complementary therapies

Complementary therapies can help to relieve stress, improve your sleep and manage side effects of treatment, which can all help you to cope better. Complementary therapies include aromatherapy, massage, reflexology, hypnotherapy, meditation and relaxation. Hypnotherapy, meditation or relaxation exercises can have a positive effect on your mental health. Hypnotherapy can help you process your emotions and help with emotional issues as well as side effects of treatment. Meditation can help your mind to be clear and your emotions calm. And relaxation techniques can help to calm and relax your body and mind. They are particularly helpful if you feel stressed or anxious or have trouble sleeping.